the choices you make...

it's been a little over ten months since starting peace corps and i've learned many a life lesson in that time. but there is one that i've really taken to heart.

blog warning: it's gonna be a semi-sappy post. that's right, i'm about to get all hallmark on ya.

so life here is in a fragile balance. literally any little thing can make or break your day. i've had really really awesome days; language- no problem, work productivity- doing well, help making a difference- check, and then some random dude comes over to your family's compound and wants to marry you and your money. good day has just left you high and dry. on the opposite side i've also had super rotten days where nothing has gone right; stuck waiting for a car, no one understands you, no one came to your causerie, people keep asking for stuff...and then like a light beam a little kid who has been so afriad of you for the past ten months (so afraid they actually pee when they see you) runs up to you because they are so happy to see you. makes your heart melt.

so what i'm saying is that you have good days, bad days, great days, i want to go home days...and they can change at the drop of a hat. what's the lesson here? i'm getting to it.

the other day, a while ago...it was a long day. i had spent the morning in podor running a few errands. the market was especially crowded so i got hasseled by vendors more than usual, the post was full of people getting money wired so i had to wait for over an hour to send my letters, my cyber guy was out of town so i couldn't check my e-mail, then i had to wait for another hour and a half for a car to fill up so that i could leave to go home. it was a long day. i was tired, cranky, hungry and frustrated at life. finally after stopping maybe five thousand times (okay a slight exaggeration) i got dropped off at the herder village which i have to walk through to get to my village. i wanted to be home for lunch but it was now late afternoon. as i'm walking i can hear the herder kids yelling my name and then i can see then running toward me. they always come and greet me whenever i go home and usually i can deal with it. but today i was tired and having ten little kids hang on me was just not in the cards. they were getting closer and i was getting tenser. i could literally feel myself cringe with anticipation. and then....

clarity. it was my big ah-ha moment. i had a simple choice. i could either let myself get mad and get into a worse mood. or i could just let myself go and see what happened. i chose to let go. as the lids swarmed around me, one hugged my legs. i took her face in my hands and screamed, 'i missed you so much! i'm so happy to see you!' this was not the reaction i think she was prepared for. a look of terror crossed her face (the toubak finally cracked) then confusion then complete happiness. she started to laugh and then all the other kids started shouting, 'i missed you banel, i missed you more!' that got me going and for five minutes i faced off with the kids about who missed who the most. then we all walked hand in hand to my hut.

the weight of the world was gone. i was elated. for no reason at all besides the fact that i just went crazy on these kids. only ten minutes earlier i felt as if i was walking with lead in my shoes and a boulder on my back. i had simply acknowledged i was in a bad mood and chose to let it go and start fresh. everything changed. the rest of my night was aweseome. my tocara noticed i was tired so she gave me the first glass of the boisson i had brought from podor. my younger brothers and little husbands cuddled with me as everyone watched tv. we had haako for dinner. going to bad that night i thought to myself what a great day it had been. and despite the frustrations, it had been a good day.

so the lesson learned; life sometimes has bad days. but you can let the bad days just keep getting worse and worse and when a hoarde of village kids come running at you, you can either tense up and cringe or welcome them with open arms. you chose how you feel. dwell on the bad or let the good in. your choice.

warned you it was sappy. but i've seriously taken this to heart and have applied it everyday since and believe it or not, it's worked. i've chosen to be in a good mood and this past month has been the most rewarding in senegal. pulaar (though not even close to fluent) has gotten easier, i've gotten so much more work done, i've found new friends in the village (who aren't under the age of five) and the sun is shining. (it's also the beginning of the hot season where i will have no choice but to look on the bright side of life). it's been great and i feel great.

as for the herder kids...i'm in the process of teaching them the victory tunnel for me to run through when i come home. they love it and i love. it's not handwashing or malaria prevention but everyone is happy.

cheers and see y'all in three weeks!! (yea wisco vacation!!)

i cannot wait for the day i get to eat cheese and crackers and wash it down with a spotted cow. i haven't been counting the days or anything....

peace,
jaime